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jokes.txt
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jokes.txt
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How do you know when a magic sword is blunt? It critiques the player's form in combat.
How do you marry a table-top game player? You ask them for a d8 first.
What sea gives you a bonus when sailing on it? The Proficien-sea!
What do you call a fey that is a thousand years old? A Millenielf.
What mineral gives you a choice but is always out of reach? Ether Ore.
What materieal was the wizard's skillet made of? It was made of cast iron.
What do ogres call a knight in armor? Canned beef.
What did the orc say when eating a bard in a harlequin costume? This tastes funny.
What has six legs, is nine feet long, and can be thrown across the room? Three dead halflings.
Why don't halflings plan for the future? They're short-sighted.
An Orc walks into a bar, and the barkeep says "we don't serve your kind here!" And the orc says, "That's fine, I only wanted mutton."
What's more hilarious than a dead goblin? A dead goblin in a clown suit.
How many goblins does it take to paint a house? It depends how hard you can throw them.
What happened to the demon who's girlfriend joined the Holy Order? She fiend-zoned him.
Why don't spellcasters have good balance? Because they cantrip.
What's a rogue's favorite type of metal? Steel.
What's a rogue's favorite armor material? Hide.
Did you hear about the sensitive thief? They took everything personally.
What is the difference between a sorcerer and a wizard? Class.
What do you call a party of only clerics? Multiprayer.
What do you call a goblin with an injured leg? A hobblin'.
What type of spellcaster is also a good cook? A Saucerer.
How many dwarves does it take to screw in a light bulb? Five, one to hold it, and four to drink until the room spins.
How many high elves does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. He holds the bulb, and the entire world revolves around him.
How many wizards does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, one to install the bulb, and another to uphold the light.
How do you get a tavern full of dwarves up on the roof? "Drinks are on the house!"
What did the party say to the orc who couldn't tell the difference between a damage and a healing spell? "You cannot be our healer."
What is the difference between a goblin and a trampoline? You take your shoes off before you jump on a trampoline.
Why aren't there any dwarven lawyers? They are unable to pass the bar.
Why do paladins wear chainmail? It's holey armor.
How does a paladin protect against a fire spell? He turns the AC up.
What type of animal helps a druid get the right color for their robe? A Dyer Wolf.
How do magicians know they've written their spells correctly? A Spell Checker!
Why was the dwarf barred from drinking liquor? Because he was a miner.
What do you get when you cross a rogue with a wizard? Time to roll initiative.
Why do wizards love fireballs? Because it's a well-rounded spell.
What's a cleric's favorite drink? Divini-tea!
Why are elves always in such great shape? They eat an elfy diet.
What is a mage duel called? A spelling B.
What do you call a lost lyconthrope? A "where" wolf.
Why should every party have a rogue and a bard? To balance out the prose and cons.
Why do dragons sleep during the day? To fight knights.
Why do dwarves hunt dragons in the morning? The early beard gets the wyrm.
Why are dragons amazing musicians? Because they know their scales.